In a perfect world, there would be no need for The Secret Art of Breaking Up: Surviving and Thriving - relationships would be easy and life would always go our way.
Unfortunately that isn’t the case. Life is beautiful, but it’s also complicated. And when things become complicated, they have a way of quickly spiralling out of control unless we work to navigate the challenges.
And that’s where The Secret Art of Breaking Up: Surviving and Thriving comes in. It offers a range of simple to follow steps to help you throughout relationship trauma.
Whether the separation is your choice or not, it’s vital that you go forward with clarity, focus and a plan.
The book is made up of easy to understand tips and processes that will help you make sense of one of the most confusing experiences in life.
The book is divided into sections - the first is all about stopping your separation and outlines some options on how to be proactive about changing your situation for the better.
The second part of the book is focussed on what to do if separation or divorce is imminent. It’s a ‘survival guide’ to making it through that brutal process; hopefully you don’t have to use it, but it's better to have a life jacket and not need it.
We asked some of our readers to underline their most useful snippets they came across - here are a few they selected...
"Fear. Failure. Loneliness. Dying Alone. Embarrassment. Rejection. Why me?"
"What will I do? Where will I live? How will I meet financial commitments? How will the children cope? What will my family say? What did I do wrong? Why didn’t I try harder? Am I being punished? Why do I feel sick?"
"Stop your separation. Stop your divorce. There are steps, a roadmap. You need a barefoot guide and if it’s not your choice to separate, plan or perish, it's that simple."
"Strategies, supports and planned responses are required – what to say, what not to say, DO this DON’T do that."
"Men and women cope with the demise of a relationship differently; men have a tendency to fall apart in destructive ways.They break things, get drunk, have court orders served, become angry, confused, aggressive, despondent and even suicidal, especially when the decision to break up is not their preference."
"Do not say - ‘I love you’, in an unhealthy relationship it will do more damage."
"Communication may have never been your strong suit, so how do you expect it to work now?"
"The chances are very high that you’ve only experienced a break up a few times. So why the hell should you be any good at it?"
"Avoid all conflict with your partner. Simply agree to whatever he or she says or does. Do not defend yourself. Drama needs conflict. You can’t have a duel if you don’t have a gun."
"If you are subject to a barrage of abuse over the phone for example, simply say “wow”. Nothing more. Avoid the invitation for conflict. This works."
"Many people with good intentions will adamantly advise that you have to sit down have a good talk and fight hard to ‘work things out’.
Communication is vital in a relationship, but it only works in a healthy relationship. You’re not in a healthy relationship right now. Actions are required."
"Avoid “blind faith” or “wishful thinking”. If you do nothing and leave things to fate, your chances of improving the relationship are minute. You’re expecting things to magically change without putting in any effort. A dripping tap won’t fix itself."
"If divorce is inevitable immediately book an appointment with the three best lawyers in your town or area. Make three phone calls. It doesn’t matter if the appointments are months down the track. This blocks your partner from using the same three best lawyers."
"Your first lawyer appoint is free. This gives you 3 free sessions. Write a list of questions for each and use the lawyers as consultants. You can choose which one you prefer later."